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Ask Manal: Need advice? Ask the life coach

Impatient boyfriend

  1. I have a boyfriend who is very demanding. He wants me to respond to his messages on phone as soon as I receive them. If I don’t, he calls up and loses his temper. I love him very much and don’t want to hurt him. But recently, I have begun getting irritated with his impatience andhis lack of trust on my explanations. I don’t want to end this relationship just because of this behaviour of his. How can I make him understand my side and keep a control on his temper?

    Sad teenager

    First, have an honest conversation about how you feel, and understand what upsets him. Is something causing him to lack trust in you? Discuss what you need and listen to his needs for the relationship to go more smoothly.
    Second, the way someone explains what happens to them affects their resulting actions i.e. the way he explains you not answering texts or calls can be the reason he gets angry. You can help by explaining when you cannot respond on time or speak to him, but eventually he needs to learn to explain your actions to himself in ways that do not raise his temper – e.g. she must be driving and can’t look at her phone right now. Some people need more reassurance in relationships – reassurance that you are around and still feel the same way; consider how you can provide reassurance in a way that satisfies both of you. How willing he is to work through these issues will indicate of how healthy the relationship is.

2. I have this lady am deeply in love with. We know each other for about 5 years and recently I told her how I felt about her and she told she can’t love me the way I want and that we should remain friends. I don’t want to believe she doesn’t want me to be her guy. I went to the extent of buying her expensive presents but still she can’t love me as much as I do. Please help me to win her back or what should I do in this situation?
Victor A
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Unrequited love can be very painful, but it will affect nearly everyone at some point in their life. It is simply not possible that everyone we have feelings for will reciprocate those feelings, given how different we are as human beings. This does not mean something is flawed in you. You may have a false belief that you will never find someone else as good as them or that you love as much, and this is not true.

If you keep pushing for a relationship, it will not make her develop feelings and it may actually show her you don’t respect her wishes and negatively affect your friendship. For now, try to focus on other pursuits like strengthening your friendships or investing in your career or hobbies. If she changes her mind in the future, that will be great. However, if she doesn’t change her mind, you will have so much more going on for you.

3. I am a 16 year old girl with a stammering problem. It has been with me since childhood and often I face ridicule and embarrassment among my friends. I have got used to it and don’t get angry when friends make fun of me but deep inside I always feel hurt and want to get rid of this problem. Sometimes, I have noticed that I do not stammer at all when I have supportive people around. What should I do train myself to get rid of this defect.
Leena

Stammering – also referred to as stuttering – is a speech problem that usually occurs in childhood and can persist into adulthood, affecting nearly 70 million people worldwide. If you have not done so already, you should seriously consider consulting a speech therapist as they will be best placed to guide you. You have stated that you don’t stammer at all when around supportive people. It would be useful to note what thoughts go through your mind when around them versus when you’re around other people who may not be as supportive. Thoughts of fear or shame could be exacerbating your stammering. Not everyone will be understanding of stammering (usually due to a lack of awareness), but there is nothing to be ashamed of when you stammer.

4. My neighbours are very boring people. They never interact with others in our apartment block and this makes us very uncomfortable. Our attempts to break the ice have failed several times as they do not like anyone visiting them for socialising. I find it very distressing as I believe that in a community everyone should interact with each other and be of help when needed. How can we make them open up and interact with others without disturbing them?
Shabana

Your idea of community may not align with your neighbours’ idea of community. Some people may prefer to socialise away from home, while maintaining privacy and quiet at home. This is especially true for introverts. You can express your openness and desire to interact or explain that you are there to provide help and support when needed.
Express your willingness to socialise, and then let them make the decision to take you up on that or not. When it comes to your uncomfortableness, this is likely more about what you believe about the situation. Does their unwillingness to interact say something about you? Probably not.

As long as you’re being a decent respectful neighbour, this is just their personal preference and what makes them feel comfortable at home.